The state of your heart

[poetryforfish]

Castiel waited for Claire in their designated training area, unsure of his next move. Not in the brewing conflict; he and Adam had plans for their next move there. This was a an arena much closer to home. This was Adam's idea, too, in a way. Adam had made him aware of Claire's loss... but ultimately the decision to try to talk to her about it was his.

In all honesty, he should feel more prepared than he did. He'd been rehearsing all day, trying to find the best words. The trouble was that, ultimately, this was a Rei thing. He loved his earthbound brothers, but in their world, comfort in the face of loss was a heartfelt smack on the shoulder. Maybe it a good squeeze if it was really bad. Navigating feelings with words was something he was learning almost exclusively from their friend in the House. And she wasn't here to review and ask if he was doing it right.

Still, he was her godfather and this was a responsibility that came with it. He had Rei's example to go from, and his Mother's. Hopefully he'd make them both proud--and, with time, Claire herself.

Hopefully.

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[usedtopray]

When Claire had asked Adam to update her with memories from her original reality, she had been motivated by the idea that she possibly might learn something to help with their upcoming war. She had, too. She now had far more extensive knowledge of all sorts of subjects, knew several new fighting styles, and even had a bit of closure concerning the loss of her mother and where her life was headed. Being sent to live with Jody had seemed like a punishment of sorts, before. Now, thanks to her new memories, she knew that wasn't the case. It was at Jody's that she finally found a place she belonged. It was also at Jody's where she got to know Kaia.

Simply thinking of the other young woman caused a pang in Claire's heart. They hadn't known one another for very long, but they had formed a bond unlike anything Claire had ever felt before. She had shown Kaia that it was okay to take control over your destiny and Kaia, in turn... well, that was where the heartache came into play. The loss of her friend - someone who had stood a damn good chance of becoming more than a friend - wasn't something she was finding easy to shake off. Young love struck hard and deep, as Jody had put it, and the woman wasn't wrong.

Of course, the problem now was that Claire didn't know how to proceed, because it wasn't just the loss of Kaia that was making her struggle with focusing on the far more important tasks at hand. It was also discovering something about herself that she had never given much thought. She had always known she wasn't interested in guys but, truthfully, embracing her own sexuality always took a backseat in the chaos that was her life. Except now she couldn't ignore it, because that would mean ignoring Kaia and the time they had shared, and she wasn't about to do that.

What she could do, though, was what she had been doing thus far. She could keep her eye on the bigger picture, keep building an army and preparing them for the battles ahead. She could keep doing exactly what she had been doing and maybe, at some point in the future, once Above and Below were dealt with an the smoke was cleared, maybe then she would be able to sit her family here down and tell them all about the amazing young woman who had stolen her heart hours before sacrificing her own life so that Claire could live. And with that thought, she forced her thoughts and feelings on the matter away and stepped inside.

Spotting Castiel, she started to offer him a smile before it occurred to her that something seemed off about him. Pausing, her brow furrowed and she tilted her head slightly to the side. "Okay," she drawled, arms instinctively crossing over her chest as she met his gaze, "You're wearing your 'human emotions are strange and make me uncomfortable' look. What gives?" Despite the slight teasing edge to her tone, there was also an undercurrent of concern. Castiel had been in his element, as of late. Preparing for war was something he was exceptionally experienced and skilled at. Seeing him seem out of sorts was off-putting, to say the least.